On a NEW and RIDICULOUS morning, PHELPS sat AT ELSA'S. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His PRETTY LITTLE HEAD ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect KELSO to love someone with a SWOLLEN LIKE HELL CURVY BEHINDS?
STRONGLY, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a JAZZY SLICK ROY'S CADILLAC, all on a summer's day. I wish my KELSO would INVESTIGATE me, in his own 40'S-LIKE way..."
"Do you?" KELSO sat down beside PHELPS and put his hand on PHELPS's BALLS. "I think that could be arranged."
PHELPS gasped WITH PLEASURE. "But what about my SWOLLEN LIKE HELL CURVY BEHINDS?"
"I like it," KELSO said BADLY. "I think it's INSANE."
They came together and their kiss was LIKE A REAL MARINE.
"I love you," PHELPS said OPENLY.
"I love you too," KELSO replied and MADE LOVE WITH him.
They bought a BOX OF MORPHINE, moved in together, and lived SMUGLY ever after.